Discipleship Network Forum

I’ve never met anyone who isn’t a people-pleaser on some level. Even my boldest, brashest, “tell it like it is” friends are secretly hoping to find some supportive audience for their message.

Although it’s a fact difficult for me to face, I’m clearly a people-pleaser too. I want people to like my sermons, my blogs, and even my wardrobe and my car. And I still want my kids, my friends, and my boss to admire me and think I’m doing a good job.

This realization hasn’t been easy. It comes after years of declaring, “I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me!” But now I have to admit that I still tend to evaluate myself by how other people are evaluating me.

I’ve concluded that the ironic thing about people-pleasers is that our mission is doomed to failure. We may succeed in pleasing some of the people some of the time, but we’ll never please all the people all the time.

So why do we insist on persevering in this foolhardy venture? Why not just drop the façade and acknowledge that play-acting is a dead-end road, inevitably leading to frustration and defeat?

This issue came up recently when I happened to be sorting through some very old family photos. I came across press clippings from the Columbus Dispatch when I was a child actor. Even though the reviews were over five decades old, I still wanted to read what the reviewers said about my performance! Oh my…

Like me, perhaps you’re still obsessed with your press clippings, job reviews, or comments on your sermons or blogs. You’ve given countless other people the power to be your judge and jury.

What a treadmill of futility this creates. Why can’t we just do our performances before an “audience of One,” like the Bible encourages us to do?

The apostle Paul wrote that his sole ambition was to please the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:9). He said that if he was still seeking to please other people, he wouldn’t be a true servant of Christ (Galatians 1:10).

But even if we know better, people-pleasing is a hard habit to shake. For most of us, it’s deeply ingrained in our personality and psyche.

The Bible is filled with sad stories about people-pleasers. Adam seemed more intent on pleasing Eve than on obeying God. Aaron was so intent on pleasing the Israelites that he was willing to make a golden calf. Samson made the fatal mistake of trying to please Delilah. And although Pilate could find no fault in Jesus, he sent Him to crucifixion in order to please the religious leaders and chanting crowd.

I’ve discovered that one of the crazy outcomes of people-pleasing is that you’ll inevitably offend some people while trying to please others. It becomes an exhausting enterprise, because there’s always someone you have disappointed.

Surprising as it may seem, God is often easier to please than people are (Matthew 3:17). Throughout His life, Jesus always sought to do the things that pleased His Father (John 8:29), and that would be a great objective for us as well.

After all, people-pleasing is an exhausting, never-ending, insanity-producing quest. We’ll breathe a lot easier when we only have One person to please.

What if I told you I thought you might be living in sin? Offended and defensive, you likely would protest, “What do you mean? I’ve been faithful to my spouse, I go to church nearly every week, and I even tithe.”

If our conversation continued, you probably would add that you don’t cheat on your taxes, lie about your neighbors, or take the Lord’s name in vain.

Congratulations on all the things you are doing right, and on all the evil things you’re abstaining from. But my question remains: Are you unknowingly living in sin?

Here’s what I mean…

God reminded me recently of this amazing statement by the apostle Paul: “Everything that does not come from faith is sin” (Romans 14:23).

Let that sink in for a moment. It means that even if we are trying to do the right things, we’re still “living in sin” if we’re not acting in faith and relying on God. Anything we do is sin—even if it is well-meaning—if it doesn’t proceed from an active trust relationship with the Lord.

“Sin” (Greek hamartia) basically means “to miss the mark.” And that is exactly what happens every time we trust in our own abilities and insights rather than on Christ living within us (Galatians 2:20, Colossians 1:27).

You see, without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). Unless we’re relying on God, our attempts to be righteous will inevitably fall short, and we’ll end up with a frustrating and unfulfilling life (Romans 7).

So let me ask you again: Are you living in faith or in sin? If you are trying to live the Christian life in your own strength, you will surely fail (2 Corinthians 5:7, John 15:1-5). Positionally, you might be “the righteousness of God” in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21), but experientially you will be falling dreadfully short of His plan for your life.

Entire books have been written on what it means to walk by faith. But I’m convinced that genuine faith is much rarer than we commonly think. For example…

• We’re unlikely to get much out of the Bible if we read it merely as a religious exercise, without adding faith and a life-giving relationship with the Holy Spirit.
• Attending church because it’s the religious thing to do is much different than gathering with God’s people in expectation of life-changing miracles.
• Paying our tithes out of obligation or fear is entirely different than sowing financial seeds into God’s kingdom with faith and expectancy.

Be honest: When was the last time you actually took a “risk” because you sensed God leading you to do something? If you’re constantly playing it safe in life, you might want to check and see if faith is having any role at all.

The rich young ruler thought he was an exceptionally holy guy (Mark 10:17-22). But despite his commendable religious deeds, it turned out that he was living in fear and unbelief—trusting in his wealth instead of in the promises of God.

I’m praying today that the Lord will expose our areas of fear and unbelief. May He show us the areas of our lives where we’re no longer operating in faith and dependence on Him. As the old hymn tells us, “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.”