Discipleship Network Forum

We all know what it feels like to let people down. Our boss…spouse…kids…parents…friends…customers…clients. The list goes on.

It feels terrible to let people down.

Apple, one of the world’s most successful companies, let its shareholders down last quarter. The company was expected to take in $76.54 billion in revenue for the quarter (yes, BILLION), but they “only” received a meager $75.9 billion.

Meanwhile, Apple only sold 74.8 million iPhones in the quarter, short of the projected 75.4 million.

How depressing…

In an effort to explain these disappointing results, Apple CEO Tim Cook explained that there were “a lot of great things happening in a turbulent environment.”

But Apple shareholders weren’t impressed by this explanation, and the stock value dropped more than 6% today.

There’s a lesson in all of this, of course. Probably several lessons.

If your life is focused on trying to live up to people’s expectations, you will find yourself frustrated and depressed much of the time. Occasionally, someone may give you an “At-a Boy.” But more often than not, you will find yourself living “below expectations.”

Which raises a critical question: WHOSE expectations will govern your outlook on your success or failure?

Put another way, the question is this: WHO are you trying to please?

If your answer is that you want to please EVERYBODY, you might as well check yourself into an insane asylum, because that’s surely where you’re headed.

So…

Each of us must decide who we’re ultimately trying to please. If we want to maintain some degree of sanity, we are wise to make it our primary ambition to please our Heavenly Father rather than anyone on earth. If you want to do a little Bible study on this, here are a few verses: Matthew 3:17, 2 Corinthians 5:9-10, Galatians 1:10, Matthew 25:21.

We also must have the wisdom to reject any unfair or unrealistic expectations people try to pin on us—because they inevitably will from time to time. Remember how Jesus rejected the expectations of those who hoped He would overthrow the Romans and immediately set up His kingdom? He was clear on His mission and wouldn’t let people squeeze Him into their mold.

So here’s my life-changing homework assignment for you: Take some time to get away by yourself and prayerfully review the list of people you’ve been trying to please. Then write down what these people are expecting, and ask the Lord whether those expectations are HIS expectations or something you should discard.

If you take this homework to heart, I have a prediction: You’ll exit the treadmill you’ve been on and once again experience “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).

And if your revenue this quarter fails to reach $76 billion (or some other grandiose projection), don’t ask me to feel sorry for you. Instead, I would tell you to be grateful—to celebrate! Things could have been a whole lot worse.

I’ve never met anyone who isn’t a people-pleaser on some level. Even my boldest, brashest, “tell it like it is” friends are secretly hoping to find some supportive audience for their message.

Although it’s a fact difficult for me to face, I’m clearly a people-pleaser too. I want people to like my sermons, my blogs, and even my wardrobe and my car. And I still want my kids, my friends, and my boss to admire me and think I’m doing a good job.

This realization hasn’t been easy. It comes after years of declaring, “I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me!” But now I have to admit that I still tend to evaluate myself by how other people are evaluating me.

I’ve concluded that the ironic thing about people-pleasers is that our mission is doomed to failure. We may succeed in pleasing some of the people some of the time, but we’ll never please all the people all the time.

So why do we insist on persevering in this foolhardy venture? Why not just drop the façade and acknowledge that play-acting is a dead-end road, inevitably leading to frustration and defeat?

This issue came up recently when I happened to be sorting through some very old family photos. I came across press clippings from the Columbus Dispatch when I was a child actor. Even though the reviews were over five decades old, I still wanted to read what the reviewers said about my performance! Oh my…

Like me, perhaps you’re still obsessed with your press clippings, job reviews, or comments on your sermons or blogs. You’ve given countless other people the power to be your judge and jury.

What a treadmill of futility this creates. Why can’t we just do our performances before an “audience of One,” like the Bible encourages us to do?

The apostle Paul wrote that his sole ambition was to please the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:9). He said that if he was still seeking to please other people, he wouldn’t be a true servant of Christ (Galatians 1:10).

But even if we know better, people-pleasing is a hard habit to shake. For most of us, it’s deeply ingrained in our personality and psyche.

The Bible is filled with sad stories about people-pleasers. Adam seemed more intent on pleasing Eve than on obeying God. Aaron was so intent on pleasing the Israelites that he was willing to make a golden calf. Samson made the fatal mistake of trying to please Delilah. And although Pilate could find no fault in Jesus, he sent Him to crucifixion in order to please the religious leaders and chanting crowd.

I’ve discovered that one of the crazy outcomes of people-pleasing is that you’ll inevitably offend some people while trying to please others. It becomes an exhausting enterprise, because there’s always someone you have disappointed.

Surprising as it may seem, God is often easier to please than people are (Matthew 3:17). Throughout His life, Jesus always sought to do the things that pleased His Father (John 8:29), and that would be a great objective for us as well.

After all, people-pleasing is an exhausting, never-ending, insanity-producing quest. We’ll breathe a lot easier when we only have One person to please.

I would much rather be a leader like Aaron than like his younger brother, Moses. Aaron was clearly the more popular of the two, and for good reason. While Moses often seemed aloof—a loner and introvert—Aaron was a man of the people, far more comfortable in social settings.

We see the style of these two leaders in stark contrast in Exodus 32. Moses shunned the people in order to climb Mount Sinai and spend 40 days with God. Aaron stayed down at the bottom of the mountain, where he could hang out with the people.

Which of these leaders would you like to be? Isolated for 40 days—just you and God—or partying with the people in joyous revelry?

When the people got impatient waiting for Moses to return, they “gathered around Aaron” (v. 1), the leader they knew would give them what they wanted. Their request was remarkably straightforward: “Make us some gods who can lead us.”

How would you have responded to such a request? Would you rebuke the people or “go along to get along”?

Incredibly, Aaron complied with their plan and asked them to bring him their “gold rings” that he could melt and shape into a calf they could worship (vs. 2-4).

Notice that bad decisions typically end up being about the gold—the money. How many politicians, preachers, and CEOs have gotten themselves in trouble by telling people, “Bring me the money!”

Of course, Aaron rationalized that all of this was done so the people could have “a festival to the Lord!” (v. 5). Isn’t that astounding reasoning? Yet it has happened again and again throughout history: practicing paganism “in the name of the Lord.”

And you have to admit, Aaron really knew how to throw a party. After going through a few religious rituals to relieve their conscience, the people “celebrated with feasting and drinking, and they indulged in pagan revelry” (v. 6).

All the while, Aaron was the chaperone—the “adult” on duty during an episode of “Israelites gone wild.”

Both God and Moses were livid about the situation. After smashing the stone tablets containing the 10 Commandments, Moses angrily demanded from Aaron, “What did these people do to you to make you bring such terrible sin upon them?” (v. 21)

Moses apparently thought Aaron must have been tortured or threatened with his life in order to permit such an idolatrous orgy. But no, it was all too easy for the people to persuade Aaron to do their bidding. He was a man of the people, after all.

Aaron seems to have been completely tone deaf to how serious this offense was. First, he blamed the people. Then he acted as if the calf had just miraculously appeared when gold was thrown into the fire.

But his brother had been with God, and he wouldn’t buy any of these lame explanations: “Moses saw that Aaron had let the people get completely out of control, much to the amusement of their enemies” (v. 25).

Are you a leader, or parent, who allows people to “get completely out of control” in order to have them like you? Do you choose to look the other way instead of take a stand?

When God’s people compromise with sin or idolatry, the result is always the same, as Moses points out: We become a laughingstock to the Lord’s enemies. Instead of being respected or liked, our credibility is undercut.

So I ask you again: Would you rather be a leader like Moses or like Aaron? Let’s be honest: It would be no fun at all to be in Moses’ position in this story. Who wants to be the “bad guy,” calling for repentance and spoiling people’s “fun”?

There always are consequences to Aaron’s kind of people-pleasing leadership. “Then the Lord sent a great plague upon the people because they had worshiped the calf Aaron had made” (v. 35). At the end of the day, the pleasures of sin were replaced by a plague of judgment.

Last year a prominent Christian humanitarian organization displayed the Aaron kind of leadership. After announcing that it would change its longstanding policy on a moral issue, the ministry reversed itself just two days later because of the public outcry.

But with Exodus 32 as a backdrop, I can’t help but wonder if both of their decisions were based on fear rather than faith…compromise rather than conviction…and popularity rather than passion or prophecy.

And if my suspicions are true, both of the decisions were more motivated by “gold” (money) than by God. Why? Because the Aaron kind of leader always looks to money rather than God’s anointing to grease the wheels of ministry.

I guess I would rather be a Moses kind of leader after all.

If you were given the choice between being liked or being respected by people, which one would you choose? Of course, the clever answer is to say we want BOTH. We want people to like us and respect us too.

But what if I told you it’s not always possible to be both liked and respected? And what if I pointed out that, too often, we tend to do things in order to be liked, even if those things cause us to lose people’s respect.

For example, it’s understandable if you want your kids to like you. But it’s far more important to do what it takes to gain their respect. Insecure parents often try to “buy” the affection of their kids, but that approach always backfires in the end.

Insecure bosses try to be the life of the party and everybody’s pal, even though sometimes a good boss has to hurt people’s feelings and make decisions that are unpopular.

Many of the Bible’s greatest leaders were highly unpopular at times. Moses faced major rebellions, Jeremiah was thrown into a cistern, and the crowd told Pilate to crucify Jesus, the Son of God.

Nevertheless, most of us are people-pleasers at heart. That’s why it’s so hard to be a good leader, or even a good disciple of Jesus.

Paul explained it this way: “Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).

Paul understood that at times we all come to the uncomfortable place where we must choose: Will we seek people’s favor or God’s favor? Will we be authentic servants of Christ or mere people-pleasers?

A quote attributed to Ed Sheeran says, “I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” Well said.

I hope you are a person who is both likeable and respectable. But if you have to choose, I encourage you to do the right thing, even if it’s not the popular thing. Put respect above likeability. You’ll be glad you did.

I would much rather be a leader like Aaron than like his younger brother, Moses. Aaron was clearly the more popular of the two, and for good reason. While Moses often seemed aloof—a loner and introvert—Aaron was a man of the people, far more comfortable in social settings.

We see the style of these two leaders in stark contrast in Exodus 32. Moses shunned the people in order to climb Mount Sinai and spend 40 days with God. Aaron stayed down at the bottom of the mountain, where he could hang out with the people.

Which of these leaders would you like to be? Isolated for 40 days—just you and God—or partying with the people in joyous revelry?

When the people got impatient waiting for Moses to return, they “gathered around Aaron” (v. 1), the leader they knew would give them what they wanted. Their request was remarkably straightforward: “Make us some gods who can lead us.”

How would you have responded to such a request? Would you rebuke the people or “go along to get along”?

Incredibly, Aaron complied with their plan and asked them to bring him their “gold rings” that he could melt and shape into a calf they could worship (vs. 2-4).

Notice that bad decisions typically end up being about the gold—the money. How many politicians, preachers, and CEOs have gotten themselves in trouble by telling people, “Bring me the money!”

Of course, Aaron rationalized that all of this was done so the people could have “a festival to the Lord!” (v. 5). Isn’t that astounding reasoning? Yet it has happened again and again throughout history: practicing paganism “in the name of the Lord.”

And you have to admit, Aaron really knew how to throw a party. After going through a few religious rituals to relieve their conscience, the people “celebrated with feasting and drinking, and they indulged in pagan revelry” (v. 6).

All the while, Aaron was the chaperone—the “adult” on duty during an episode of “Israelites gone wild.”

Both God and Moses were livid about the situation. After smashing the stone tablets containing the 10 Commandments, Moses angrily demanded from Aaron, “What did these people do to you to make you bring such terrible sin upon them?” (v. 21)

Moses apparently thought Aaron must have been tortured or threatened with his life in order to permit such an idolatrous orgy. But no, it was all too easy for the people to persuade Aaron to do their bidding. He was a man of the people, after all.

Aaron seems to have been completely tone deaf to how serious this offense was. First, he blamed the people. Then he acted as if the calf had just miraculously appeared when gold was thrown into the fire.

But his brother had been with God, and he wouldn’t buy any of these lame explanations: “Moses saw that Aaron had let the people get completely out of control, much to the amusement of their enemies” (v. 25).

Are you a leader, or parent, who allows people to “get completely out of control” in order to have them like you? Do you choose to look the other way instead of take a stand?

When God’s people compromise with sin or idolatry, the result is always the same, as Moses points out: We become a laughingstock to the Lord’s enemies. Instead of being respected or liked, our credibility is undercut.

So I ask you again: Would you rather be a leader like Moses or like Aaron? Let’s be honest: It would be no fun at all to be in Moses’ position in this story. Who wants to be the “bad guy,” calling for repentance and spoiling people’s “fun”?

There always are consequences to Aaron’s kind of people-pleasing leadership. “Then the Lord sent a great plague upon the people because they had worshiped the calf Aaron had made” (v. 35). At the end of the day, the pleasures of sin were replaced by a plague of judgment.

I guess I would rather be a Moses kind of leader after all.