Discipleship Network Forum

One of the unexpected revelations during my cancer and chemo journey last year was that everyone is dealing with something. If you’re facing a life-threatening foe like cancer, it’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and act as if you’re the only one having a rough time – but it turns out you’re not alone in your trials.

Let me explain…

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was amazed by how many friends told me their own stories about facing that dreaded disease, either in their own life or with a loved one. I had no idea this was such a widespread experience.

However, many friends came to me with stories about dealing with other kinds of difficult situations. Some were having conflicts in their marriage or were disappointed in the decisions their kids were making. Others were feeling devastated by financial setbacks or emotional pain such as grief, depression, or loneliness.

Several months ago, I had an enlightening conversation with some church friends who seemed to have the perfect marriage and family. At least it looked that way on Facebook and Instagram. Seeing their public persona, I’ve often been tempted to envy them.

Yet these friends shocked me by sharing about some recent conflicts in their marriage. And while their children all looked like little angels on social media, it turned out that each of their kids was dealing with some kind of problem too. I had no idea.

Suddenly I realized that the reason these friends could be so vulnerable about their own difficulties was because they knew about my health struggles. Bald from chemo and having virtually no energy, it was obvious things weren’t going very well in my life. This was embarrassing to me at first. I would have preferred to project a more positive, victorious image.

But how surprising it was that my hardships ended up providing an unexpected blessing: Seeing the struggles I was facing, people felt like they could safely confide in me about their own battles.  

Perhaps an even greater epiphany was that everyone on this fallen planet is dealing with some kind of challenge in their life. The stressed-out cashier at Walmart…the frustrating colleague at work…the grouchy neighbor…the annoying driver on the freeway…the Facebook friend who posts angry political tirades – whether we realize it or not, everyone is dealing with something.

What an important lesson! Just as I want people to be patient with me when I’m going through hard times, I need to have patience with the “thorny” people I come across in life. Whether I can see it or not, they’re all dealing with some difficult situation, no doubt.

As the apostle Paul wrote, temptations and trials are “common to humanity” (1 Corinthians 10:13 CSB). So if you’re dealing with unpleasant circumstances today, join the club. You’re certainly not alone.

Amid Job’s terrible hardships described in the Bible, he was reminded by his friend Eliphaz: “People are born for trouble as readily as sparks fly up from a fire” (Job 5:7 NLT). Good point! To one extent or another, trouble is an unavoidable part of the human experience.

Although Job’s friends sometimes did more harm than good, in this case Eliphaz continued with some good advice: “If I were you, I would go to God and present my case to him. He does great things too marvelous to understand. He performs countless miracles” (Job 5:8-9 NLT).

Notice that these words present a difficult paradox. On the one hand, humankind will inevitably face trouble along life’s way. But on the other hand, we’re told that God is a miracle-working God. In every situation, we must go to Him and present our case.

Perhaps you are feeling like Job today. If so, my heart and my prayers go out to you. But as hard as it may be to realize in the midst of fiery trials, God is not mad at you and He’s not your enemy. He’s inviting you to run to Him and present your case, based on the promises in His Word.

At the end of his story, Job’s life was restored in every way. In fact, “the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning” (Job 42:12 NKJV).

My friend, whether in this life or the next, God’s plan for you and me is a happy ending. Yes, there will be trials and tribulations along the way. But that’s not the end of the story.

I’m not an expert on the subject of grief by any means – far from it. Yet recently several friends have had loved ones die suddenly and unexpectedly. I’ve found myself wondering, how are they supposed to handle that?

Then today I noticed a woman at the grocery store who had some sort of Christian bracelet. When I asked about the bracelet, she told me the heart-wrenching story of how her sister had died just two weeks ago of a rare form of cancer.

Wow. How is she supposed to handle that?

As I pondered these situations, a story in the life of Jesus came to mind. John the Baptist – Jesus’ cousin and the preacher who had inaugurated His ministry – was beheaded by King Herod. It was a gruesome event, with the severed head of Jesus’ forerunner put on a tray and given to his persecutors before his friends buried his body.

Knowing that He cared deeply about John, we’re told that John’s disciples “went and told Jesus what had happened” (Matthew 14:10-12 NLT).

So, how did Jesus respond to the news? He apparently didn’t spout a bunch of spiritual platitudes as we might have done. I probably would have offered some lame and inappropriate words of comfort, like “God will work it for good,” or perhaps the old standby, “He’s in a better place now.”

Jesus didn’t do that. In fact, we’re not even told what He said. However, we can see three significant things He DID in the wake of His grief over John’s death:

1.      He withdrew and spent time by Himself (vs. 12-13). Often after a loved one dies, we’re surrounded by well-wishing friends and family. That’s fine – up to a point. But Jesus went “to a remote area to be alone,” and usually we need to follow this example. Withdrawing shouldn’t make us feel guilty! It’s part of the grieving process, a necessary step in getting our bearings again. 

How long should this “withdrawal” step last? A day? A week? A month? Longer? There’s no way to set a firm time limit, because everyone is different. In verse 23 Jesus again went to be alone, which shows that this step may need to be repeated from time to time. Yet it’s big mistake to get stuck in this phase forever, because we will eventually need to move on to step 2.

2.      He found people needier than He was (vs. 14-21). I’ll never forget my first Christmas after experiencing a significant loss in my life. It was going to be an incredibly lonely time for me, but God gave me a helpful strategy: I took my guitar and went to sing for people in a nearby nursing home! Although I’m not sure they particularly liked my singing, they seemed glad I was there. And my gloomy disposition certainly improved as I set out to bless people who were even lonelier than I was. 

Of course, Jesus didn’t visit a nursing home after hearing of John’s death. But He reached out to heal a bunch of sick people and then took five loaves of bread and two fish to feed thousands of hungry people.

If you’re facing some kind of grief today, perhaps it’s time to reach out with the love of Jesus to someone who’s needier than you. Taking that step won’t immediately relieve the pain, but you’ll find it beneficial to put your grief in the rearview mirror instead of making it your constant focus.

3.      He (and Peter) walked on water (vs. 22-32). I’ve probably lost you at this point. First of all, you assume it’s impossible for you to walk on water. And even if you somehow could pull it off, how could that accomplishment have any bearing on your grief?

But you see, walking on water is a beautiful picture of going beyond yourself and doing something that once seemed impossible. In order to truly overcome grief, something supernatural must take place. Put simply: You need God’s help!

Not only did Jesus walk on water, but Peter did too. Peter did something he never could have done in his own strength – and so can you. Despite the initial devastation brought by your loss, you can make it. You really can be OK again. His grace is always sufficient if you take time to draw upon it (2 Corinthians 12:9).

This story also reminds us to keep our eyes on Jesus amid the wind and waves around us. Grief and fear are frequent allies, and our fears become overwhelming if we focus on the stormy conditions swirling in our path. Miraculously, the Bible says “perfect peace” is available when our eyes are fixed on the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 26:3, Hebrews 12:2, Philippians 4:4-9).

Perhaps, like Peter, your grief and fear have conspired to give you a “sinking feeling” down deep in your soul. But remember: Even when you feel like you’re about to drown in your sorrows, Jesus will be there to grab your hand when you call out to Him.

If you’ve suffered a major loss in your life, there’s a good chance you know a lot more about grief than I do. If so, I encourage you to take time to comfort others with the comfort you’ve received from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). As you stretch out your hand to others, your own healing process will be accelerated (Mark 3:1-5).

Even though you may feel bewildered by the loss you’ve experienced, never forget that the Lord is WITH you through it all: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18). When grief comes sweeping in like a flood, let it lift you higher and draw you closer to Him than ever before. 

Our tragic Hurricane Harvey has a golden lining: thousands of people praying, caring, & sharing their faith while working together to rescue lives and meet needs caused by that crisis.

But what do you suppose will happen when the spotlight shifts to the next public crisis? Yes, you're probably right: Emotion, money, and momentum will move mostly to that next media moment. And then the next one after that.

As a fellow disciple with you, and in the context of discipling others whom you influence, may I suggest some brief, basic observations and recommendations?

7 Observations:

   • Many non-Christians are also significantly helping victims of Hurricane Harvey.

   • It is common to care in a crisis.

   • Although it is both practical and vital for Christians to care in a crisis, that alone does not distinguish Christians from people of other faiths. (Ponder 1 Cor 13:3.)   

   • Selfless love [agape] -- the "love" in 1 Cor 13 -- is steadfast. It takes that critical 1st step of care, but continues beyond it. This love continues after the media spotlight turns away. That is one of its distinguishing features. Like the steadfast love [hesed] of God toward us.

   • Effective disciples cultivate agape love (1 Cor 13). This alignment of heart/attitude/behavior is directed upward to God as a daily act of personal worship.

   • But selfless love (secondarily)also provides a distinction, and a model for mentoring other Christ-followers (John 13:35).

   • One significant way we can bring a smile to our Father's face is for us, as influencers of others, to pray & plan wisely for the post-crisis phase of this trauma.

So . . .

3 Suggestions - Thru your church, parachurch ministry, and/or an informal group:

   • As you pray, care, & share in your response to Harvey's tragedies, embrace and embody agape love as an act of personal worship to Him.

   • Model Christlike character [agape] to another of His disciples, mentoring and including that learner as a participant in your response to Harvey.

   • Plan and delegate where possible the continued discipling of Harvey victims. As God's Spirit works, bring them (1) to faith in Christ and then (2) to maturity in Christ.

Your thoughts on this? (comment below)

Elijah has always been one of my favorite Bible characters, and I’m particularly intrigued by the chapter where he fights deep depression (1 Kings 19). The mighty prophet had witnessed amazing answers to prayer, stopping the rain for years before starting it again. He had multiplied a widow’s meager supply of food and raised her son from the dead. And for good measure, he called down fire from heaven and slayed the false prophets of Baal.

Huge victories, to say the least. Impressive demonstrations of faith. Causes for great celebration, we might think.

So how in the world did Elijah become utterly depressed—to the extent that he wanted God to end his life?

Although some people act as if depression has only one cause, in Elijah’s case we see this simply isn’t true. You might come up with a different list than mine, but I’ve found 7 lessons about depression we can learn from Elijah’s story:

1. Be careful what you listen to. The onset of Elijah’s melancholy can be traced to 1 Kings 19:2: “Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah.” Every moment of every day, we are bombarded with messengers, aren’t we? God is speaking. The devil is speaking. And we receive countless positive or negative messages through the people around us and diverse forms of media. Beware: The spirit of Jezebel is still speaking, my friend! And if we listen to that diabolical messenger, we’ll inevitably become depressed, just like Elijah.
2. Avoid the tendency to go it alone. Elijah made two mistakes that contributed to his downward spiral. First, he left his servant behind (v. 3). During the prophet’s dark hours in the cave, no one was with him to cheer him up or offer helpful perspective. But an even worse problem was his disconnect from the God-fearing Israelites who could have been his allies: the “seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal” (v. 16). It’s depressing to feel all alone in a daunting mission—but sometimes we just need to connect with those who would happily be our comrades.
3. Recognize the physical factors influencing your state of mind. Depression isn’t just a spiritual or psychological condition. Often it’s greatly influenced by factors that are physical or chemical in nature. If you study this chapter in detail, you’ll see that Elijah was extremely fatigued, deprived of adequate sleep for several days. He also was dehydrated and lacking in nutrition until God sent an angel to give him water and food (vs. 5-8). On top of everything else, he had faced a period of great stress, which often results in adrenal exhaustion and other deficits in a person’s body chemistry.
4. Assess whether you’re in the right place. Twice in this passage, God asks the prophet a fascinating question, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (verses 9 & 13). If you’re feeling depressed today, it’s good to ask whether you’re “out of position” in some way. Are you in job or ministry where you don’t fit? Are you remaining in the wrong city or country, when the Lord has been nudging you to move somewhere else? Are you staying in a toxic relationship, when you know you don’t have God’s peace?
5. Beware of the egotistical view that everything depends on you. When you try to play God, you will inevitably become both exhausted and depressed. Elijah told the Lord, “I alone am left; and they seek to take my life” (v. 10). He knew there was a lot more work to be done in bringing repentance and national restoration to Israel, and he felt the job depended entirely on him! When we get stuck in that kind of overwhelming mindset, we need to pause and (1) cast our burdens on the Lord, and (2) recognize our need to team up with other people in order to fulfill the remaining mission.
6. Amid whirling circumstances and activities, make sure you don’t lose touch with God’s gentle whisper and still small voice. While it’s clear Elijah knew a lot about intimacy with God, it seems he slipped away from that intimacy amid the busyness of his life and ministry. Can you relate? In the midst of the busyness of “serving God,” it’s all too easy to neglect spending quality time with Him. In this case, the Lord showed Elijah “a great and strong wind…an earthquake…and a fire” (vs. 11-12), but the divine message came with His gentle whisper instead of any of these dramatic events. Ask yourself: Can you still hear the Lord’s quiet voice, or do you only feel His presence when the worship band is blaring?
7. Find hope in remembering your mission—or in finding a new one, if necessary. Elijah had already accomplished a great deal. It was understandable to wonder if his life’s mission had already been completed. But it’s incredibly depressing when you no longer believe God still has an important purpose for your life. A major breakthrough in shedding his depression came when Elijah was recommissioned by Lord with a new calling—to anoint some kings and “anoint Elisha as prophet in your place” (v. 15-16). Perhaps this is a message for you as well: It could be time to equip the next generation and train your replacement!

Action Steps

Most of us have faced a bout of serious depression at one time or another. Hey, if it could happen to Elijah, you and I certainly aren’t immune.

However, you don’t need to stay in the “cave” or the valley of despair. Learning the lessons from Elijah’s story, you can believe God’s promises and quit listening to the messengers of condemnation and defeat. You can learn to rely on the Lord and your comrades instead of carrying the entire load on your own shoulders.

It’s also important to regularly monitor the physical factors you’re dealing with. Are you getting enough sleep, exercise, hydration, and nutrition? Do you need to take steps to eliminate some of the stress in your life?

Perhaps it’s time to ask yourself the “placement” question God asked Elijah. Are you in the right place…the right role…with the right people?

If, like Elijah, you’ve lost your sensitivity to the Lord’s gently whisper amid life’s busyness, I pray you’ll hear it once again. And when you do, don’t be surprised if He reaffirms your calling—or gives you a whole new mission.

I’m praying your best days are still ahead!  

I don’t plan to see Will’s Smith’s new movie, “Concussion.” It’s probably a good movie, but I’m afraid it would tarnish my love for the game of football. I would rather hold on to the fantasy that there aren’t any consequences to all those hits to the head.

And I hate to break it to you, but here’s some startling news:

YOU might be at risk for a concussion, even if you never play football!

Here’s what I mean…

A concussion is defined as “an injury to the brain caused by a jarring blow to the head.” The symptoms include such things as headaches, vertigo, and disorientation.

I don’t know about you, but I do my best to avoid any blows to my head. However, if we look at this in the broader sense, we’ve ALL experienced “brain traumas” of one kind or another. Our mind is inevitably affected when we lose a spouse or child…get fired from a job…endure a serious health crisis…or suffer a divorce.

Events like that are jarring, to say the least. And yes, they certainly can cause us headaches, vertigo, and disorientation. It might even be preferable to be hit in the head by a linebacker.

So how can we protect ourselves from concussions of our mind and emotions? For some, the answer is to “play it safe” in life. In order to avoid any traumatic contact, they try to avoid any meaningful contact at all. They instinctively realize that the most painful experience in the world is to lose someone you’ve loved, so they do their best to avoid any deep emotional attachments.

But let’s be honest: Playing it safe is no way to live! Perhaps it’s okay for caterpillars to live in a cocoon, but not for butterflies. God has called us to fly and to be risk-takers. And that means getting out of our self-imposed comfort zones and bomb shelters.

This gets me thinking about football again…

What if we could design the perfect helmet—one that would minimize traumas and eliminate any serious concussions?

Thankfully, the Bible says God offers us something very much like that. But before mentioning protection against head traumas, it describes special protection for our heart: “the breastplate of faith and love” (1 Thessalonians 5:8). Guarding our heart is a subject for another blog, and it’s a very important matter for all of us (Proverbs 4:23).

But what about protection against traumas to our mind and emotions? God says to put on very special helmet: “the hope of salvation.”

Do you see how profound this truth is? No matter what kind of personal trauma you are going through, the most important factor in getting through it will be HOPE.

If your mind is surrounded by hope, you can endure just about anything. But if you’ve lost hope, even life’s most minor trials will seem overwhelming.

So here’s my prayer for you today: May you put on your HOPE HELMET. Then you’ll be able to boldly face the “linebackers” standing in the way of the awesome touchdowns God has planned for you.

As you’ve probably already discovered, it’s painful when our fondest dreams turn into nightmares. Although we may not be as honest as Abbie was in her prayer, at times it would seem a great relief to eliminate our dreams altogether. Wouldn’t it be easier to just become a zombie or a mind-numbed robot…putting your life on autopilot and eliminating any new initiatives or risky adventures?

Becoming a Dreamer Again

If you’ve become a disillusioned dreamer, you’re not alone. Yet it’s important to see that not all “dis-illusionment” is bad, for we all have “illusions” in our lives that are not from God. (Remind me to tell you that story about the Perfect Church sometime…)

Jesus’ death on the cross was the most disillusioning event in history. His closest followers were devastated, going from their grandiose expectations at the triumphal entry into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday (John 12:12-19) to hiding out in a locked room for fear of the Jews (John 20:19). Peter and some of the others even sought comfort in turning back to their old occupation of fishing (John 21).

And the pain of disillusionment can be felt in the words of the two disciples walking to Emmaus, “We had hoped that He was the one who was going to redeem Israel” (Luke 24:21). How sad! These men “had hoped” they could count on Jesus to fulfill their dreams, but now their hopes were past tense.

However, at the very time these discouraged men were feeling this way, the resurrected Lord Jesus was walking right beside them! What a great lesson. When our dreams are dashed to the ground and all hope seems lost, the Source of ALL hope is right there with us, ready to open our eyes again to new possibilities.

You’re Never Too Old

Perhaps you think you’re simply too old to dream. My generation of fellow Baby Boomers was perhaps the greatest generation of dreamers to ever live. But now we’re getting OLD, as my kids can attest to.

So is it time to admit defeat and simply stop dreaming dreams? No way! In fact, God has a prophetic word just for us: “In the last days...your young men will see visions, your OLD men will DREAM DREAMS” (Acts 2:17). Let it be, Lord!

No matter how old or young you may be, I encourage you to keep on seeing visions and dreaming dreams. Yes, as Abbie recognized, dreams sometimes are scary or even painful. But we’re entering into days when we’ll need God to raise up a new army of dreamers—taking bold action to impact the world for His kingdom.

Although I’m grateful for all the good accomplished through the Recovery Movement over the years, I get perturbed by its tendency to assign people to long-term victimhood. The philosophy seems to be, “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic,” even if God has transformed your life and you’ve been sober for decades.

And things aren’t much better if you attend a recovery group for grief, divorce, overeating, codependency, or some other trauma in your life. It’s as if they hand out scarlet letters at the door, reminding you of your past.

When a friend recently attended a divorce recovery group, the leader told him that for every year of marriage, it generally takes several years to recover after a divorce. This is nonsensical, of course. My friend had been married for more than 30 years, so it would take him at least 60 years to recover based on the group leader’s formula. The leader’s prognosis was pretty disheartening to say the least.

And then the divorce group leader made another misguided statement: “There is absolutely nothing you can do to speed up your recovery. You just have to endure the pain until it subsides.”

Okay, I know what he means. You can’t take shortcuts. For every trauma in life, there will be some pain that simply must be endured. But does that mean there’s nothing we can do to speed the recovery? That’s both ludicrous and unscriptural.

We’ve all met people who are so full of unforgiveness and bitterness after a trauma like divorce that they’re prolonging their recovery. In fact, I’ve known people who will never recover in this life, because they won’t let go of their offense. Instead of the initial wound killing such people, their life is undermined by the infection they allowed to set in.

Just as we can do things to hinder our recovery, I believe we can position ourselves for faster and more complete healing.

Isaiah 58:8 describes this in a context of fasting, seeking God, repenting of wickedness, and serving the poor: “Then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily.” Isn’t that good news? Yes, healing is a process that may take some time. But when you take the right steps, “your healing shall spring forth speedily.”

Years ago, the Lord showed me that discipleship is basically a matter of 5 Connections: God, People, Truth, Character, and Service. Remarkably, these same five components can speed along our emotional healing and recovery from difficult situations:

Connection with GOD: In His presence is healing balm and fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11). That’s the ultimate key to any kind of positive transformation we seek (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Connection with PEOPLE: Even though most emotional traumas are caused by other people, it’s also likely that God will use our relationships with people as an important component of our recovery. It’s an indisputable fact of life that positive, truth-speaking, encouraging people can help to speed our recovery, while negative, cynical people will just prolong our pain and foster more toxicity.

Connection with TRUTH: When we’ve gone through a life-altering situation, we must be careful to remain grounded in the truth of God’s Word rather than our transitory and misleading feelings. Satan uses our emotional traumas as opportunities to speak his lies, so it becomes more important than ever to cling to the truth about who God is and how much He loves us.

Connection with CHARACTER: Too often, people who are hurting try to self-medicate their pain through alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, toxic relationships, or other destructive activities. Such things are a great way to go from the frying pan into the fire. Instead, we should use any emotional trauma as a time for God to expose and heal any wicked or hurtful areas of our heart (Psalm 139:24). We also must carefully monitor our lives and take preventative action if we see some kind of bad fruit developing.

Connection with SERVICE: One of the greatest ways for us to receive healing is to reach out to heal the pain of others. Like the man who had a shriveled hand in Mark 3:1-5, our disability can be healed when we stretch out our hand in obedience to the Lord.

Those of us from a charismatic or Pentecostal background might prefer to think that all emotional healing should come from a supernatural, instantaneous touch from God. Just come to the altar for prayer, and everything will be alright.

While that kind of immediate remedy is surely possible, the Lord often prefers to take us through the process of healing. Why? Probably because the 5 connections in the healing process are the very same connections we need to become more like Christ. Just as sanctification and discipleship aren’t instantaneous propositions, emotional healing may take more than a single prayer.

If you’ve been struggling to break free from some kind of traumatic experience or relationship, don’t despair. God has a plan for your recovery—and it doesn’t have to take as long as you’ve thought.

Make a decision today to forgive and release those who have wronged you. Then engage in the 5 connections in the Lord’s unfailing process of recovery and transformation.