December has been a very challenging- but rewarding month. God is taking me on apersonal journey and while it's exciting, it's also very draining andemotionally difficult sometimes. During my quiet time, I felt led to studyActs. It seemed I needed to remind myself of my roots (Acts is the 1st book ofthe Bible I studied verse by verse), as well as the roots of what"church" is really supposed to be. I started with Saul's conversionin Acts 9, and never made it past verse 22. Specifically, I parked on verses10-17:
10In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in avision, "Ananias!"
"Yes, Lord," he answered.
11The Lord told him, "Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for aman from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. 12In a vision he hasseen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore hissight."
13"Lord," Ananias answered, "I have heard many reports about this man and all theharm he has done to your saints in Jerusalem. 14And he has come herewith authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on yourname."
15But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carrymy name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. 16Iwill show him how much he must suffer for my name."
17Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said,"Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you werecoming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the HolySpirit."
God used this familiar passage to reassure me that we don't always know what wethink we know. (Yeah, I realize I should've figured that out a long time ago!)Ananias was prepared to hear God- when he heard his name in a vision, Ananiaswasn't like Samuel; Ananias knew immediately that it was the Lord calling him.He answered right away, "Yes, Lord?" (I think it's worth noting thathe said that instead of "What now, God?")
God gave clear instruction, and while Ananias didn't refuse or directly offerexcuses like Moses did, he still wanted to be sure God knew what He was askingAnanias to do. "But God, you do realize this guy wants to kill people whofollow you, right? And God, this isn't just me being paranoid- everything I'veheard and seen tells me this is a bad idea. It's NOT a good situation. Do yourealize how badly this idea of yours might turn out, God?"
That's kind-of my M.O.- not to defy God and tell Him what I won't do, I justwant to be sure He understands MY perspective. MY fears. My reasons forthinking He's asking me to do something that doesn't make much sense.
So how did God respond when Ananias voices his concerns? "Go!"("Ananias, what you don't know is that this man is already changed. Thesituation is completely different than what you're expecting. I've chosen touse this very man you think will destroy my church- and you. I know what isgoing to happen. I know what he's done to my people, and only I know what he'sgoing to face as a result. Thanks for the concern, Ananias, but I've got thisone under control.")
The thing that struck me most is this: when I have similar conversations withGod, I am acting just like Ananias did. I assume that I see the entiresituation, I presume to understand who, what, where and how. Like Ananias, Ioverlook the fact that God is always working behind the scenes: softening hearts,changing the variables, working in all things for the good of those who loveHim. However, like Ananias, I can trust that when God gives me specificinstruction it's because He's been working specifically to make a place for meto be effective.
Why is it so easy to forget that God never sleeps, that God is always at work,that nothing is impossible with God? Why is it so easy to presume that what wethink we know is all there is to know? Why do we act like "walking infaith" means knowing exactly what is in our future? Faith is not only"being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see,"faith is trusting that God is in control and we can walk in places where weknow we do not see the entire situation or understand the details of what God isorchestrating.
We will never be able to comprehend, or even imagine how God works in everysituation, understands every variable and knows ahead of time every possibleoutcome, and ultimately chooses the best possible one from an eternalperspective. We just need to walk in faith, knowing that God loves us and Hewon't set us up to fail Him. He's working in ways we can't imagine, usingunlikely people to do extraordinary things. The really cool thing is that wemight just be that unlikely person He's chosen!
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