Last week I was meeting with one of our pastors about my passion for Discipleship. In a prior meeting, I had shared some things with him that caused him to go away with a check in his spirit about whether I would be okay with the leadership structure at my church, so he brought that up and we discussed it. I was open and honest about some trust issues that I have because of abuse of authority in other churches and acknowledged that there was some healing that yet needed to be done. I thought the conversation went well. I didn't feel defensive and I really wasn't worried about the issue, until I was driving home that night. I wrestled with that and other issues for 3 or 4 days and was tempted to give up on any desires to be involved in Discipleship at my church. After some concentrated time in prayer last weekend, I believe that God helped me to address this issue and to come to a level of peace that I did not have before. I enjoy journaling prayer but I don't particularly enjoy poetry. Yet I recently realized that God seems to give me a poem when I'm struggling with something that I cannot quite resolve in traditional prayer. When I shared this with a friend, he told me that I should post the poem somewhere. So here it is, maybe you can relate...
Into Your Refining Fire
I choose to go
How I'll turn out
I do not know
Mold me and make me
Fit for your plan
Even if it means
I must submit to a man
Re-direct and protect me
From those who'd abuse
Help me see clearly
How to serve those you choose
Your purposes are so much greater
Than all my fear and pain
Help me serve you freely
And bring honor to Your name
You've given me a vision
And you've mapped out a plan
To go and make disciples
Who will do all that You command
Obedience, Surrender,
Your will is my desire
So consume me, then fill me
And release me with fire
---Jenni Biegler (February 9, 2011)
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