This past weekend was the weekend of not-so-proud moments.
It started out with a plan, lots on the schedule but it was going to be manageable. A lot of things, but all good things. A piano recital, a baseball tourney, two basketball practices, decorating the tree and church.
But I blew it on more than one occasion.
I had my first experience of losing self-control in the stands as a parent. After the game, I had to ask forgiveness from the moms for my inappropriate behavior and had to repent to Coach-Husband for my attitude in the stands. This was after he sent an email to all the parents (including me) about maintaining a positive attitude.
The kids seemed to manage the packed in day of Saturday really well... until Sunday morning. Then we had the kind of morning where I actually thought about calling in and saying I couldn't come to church. My heart was not in the right place. I was the parent who didn't handle things well in the morning and felt hypocritical going to church and worshiping God and offering to minister to others.
Yet we went along and as I prayed for Jesus to help me, I remembered something very important I had just read.
I am loved unconditionally and welcomed fully by Him.
By His grace, it is in these moments when I am at my ugliest, I can return to Him for joy, fullness of hope and restoration. Because He forgives me, I can look my boys in the eye and tell them I'm sorry. Because I know I am deeply loved at my worst, I can go back and worship.
Approaching Christmas, I'm reminded at how amazing it is that Jesus came to save the lost. To reach out and raise up the wretched, most messed up people, just like me.
Thanks be to God.
Remember what the gospel says about us: we are more sinful and flawed than we ever dared believe but we are also more loved and welcomed than we ever dared hope. ~ Elyse Fitzpatrick, Counsel from the Cross
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