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Churches that haven’t “died to self” don’t talk about it. You can’t give away what you never had. Despite all the Bible verses stressing the importance of dying to self, it’s rarely mentioned within the comfortable confines of America’s churches. As a result, although it’s a non-negotiable prerequisite for Christ-followers, few churchgoers understand dying to self or live it out.
“Crucified with Christ”, “take up your cross”, and “lay down your life” run counter to our consumer culture. Authentic believers become “new creations” when self-interest abates and the Holy Spirit fills the vacant space. Genuine disciples of Jesus disavow America’s fastest growing religion (Selfism), whose core tenets are power, prominence, prestige, and promotion. Dying to self exchanges control for trust, sin for righteousness, fear for faith, and worry for surrender. Yet Selfism has crept into the sanctuaries of most churches. Pastors meticulously control the choreography of worship services, leaving little room for the Holy Spirit to interrupt a rigid schedule. Sin within the body isn’t often confronted, as clearly instructed. Fear keeps the topic of “dying to self” out of the pulpit, worried sermons and accountability for such a countercultural concept would risk all they’ve worked so hard to build.
Instead, self-oriented messages – how God will get you through trials, give you victory, lead you to abundant life, help you raise a family, and died just for you – dominate the Christian airwaves, inside and outside of church. Why would anyone want to go somewhere on Sundays to hear about sacrifice, surrender, unselfishness, sin, sanctification, Satan, and separation (eternal) from God? Dying to self doesn’t attract and retain churchgoers, but it does equip and deploy disciples. It defies cheap grace and hypocrisy. It demands (externally-focused) Prayer, Care, and Share when contemporary church growth strategies call for (internally-focused) Invite, Involve, and Invest. Churches that haven’t died to self-interest create self-absorbed Christians and perpetuate self-centered “Christianity”.
How can a church “die to self”? What would that road to repentance look like? Will those inclined to make Christianity about themselves stay at a church that transitions from “living your best life” to “dying to self”? Yet that’s the church where life and community transformation take place, and biblical truth prevails no matter the cost…
Dying to Self in their Mission
Audience – Appealing to consumers creates consumers. Church shouldn’t be designed for comfort and convenience. Members ARE the church (“ekkliesia”) so they can’t be its target customer. Jesus’ mission statement defined His customer as those hopeless and helpless, so a church that has died to self prepares members to pursue them.
Purpose – Jesus’ parting words spelled out His Church’s commission. Today, that would entail severely disrupting the busy and private lives most Americans lead. Making disciples who make disciples is deeply personal and intensive. It requires a level of effort and honesty few will endure, yet it’s the key to revitalization and revival.
Personnel – Losing the leverage and power in the pews overburdens pastors and staff. Dying to self means churchgoers are seen as additional (Kingdom) employees, ending the epidemic of pastoral burnout. Returning evangelism, discipleship and compassion responsibilities to their rightful owners would multiply a church’s reach and impact.
Outcome – A church that’s dead to self isn’t concerned about the consequences of challenging members to do their biblical jobs. What keeps those leaders up at night is the real “customer” in the community being ignored, receiving poor customer service. If a member leaves, but a hundred lost people come to know Christ – that’s a net gain.
Unity – Sacrificing self for the greater good is Jesus’ heart and prayer for His Church. Moving the needle on hunger and literacy in a city necessitates collaboration. Church plants are eager to partner, but “mature” churches and ministries who have something to lose worry partnerships may dilute their hard-earned brand or donor pool.
Dying to Self in their Model
Mindset – Pastors regularly preach on stewardship versus ownership, yet many fail to apply that principle to their view of their churches. Protecting proprietary facilities, reputation, members, and funding undermine influence, impact, growth, and public perception. A church that has died to self knows it is a steward, not an owner.
Goal – It’s not important whether the organization survives, thrives, or multiplies if it’s replicating a flawed model. An institution begins dying to self by understanding “who” is the church and what “they” are supposed to be doing. It doesn’t seek its own (corporate) welfare, but the flourishing of the community in which the Lord placed it.
Objectives – Few churches adopt and favor “capital C” (Church) metrics over “lower case c” (church) indicators. Life and city transformation take a back seat to number of attendees and dollars donated. Dying to self recasts “success” in terms that will shake and wake up the congregation to its role as the embodiment of “Church” all week long.
Strategies – Plans and activities flow from goals and objectives. A church valuing GC3 (Great Commandment, Great Commission, Great Calling) over security and sustainability will die to self, operating by principles (e.g. sacrifice, surrender) others are hesitant to emphasize on Sundays with those not willing to die to themselves.
Approach – Every aspect of a church that’s dead to self-interest will be affected by that death. Sincerity will pervade the atmosphere as people-pleasing dissipates. Prayer will become fervent for non-believers. Love will abound, spilling over into circles of influence. A sense of urgency will emerge about issues plaguing the community.
Dying to Self in their Methods
Discipleship – Small groups engender loyalty through relationships, making large churches smaller and stickier. Weekly fellowship and discussions, however, lack the personalized depth and disclosure of rigorous one-on-one and triad formats. Only 1% of pastors think their churches are discipling well – because they haven’t died to self.
Compassion – Churches that have endured death to self-centeredness are most alive. They’re vibrant and engaged in poverty alleviation, breaking generational cycles of dependence and entitlement. Meanwhile, dead churches who haven’t experienced death (to self) organize occasional, transactional events to “check the (charity) box”.
Worship – Whether a church is fully alive is visible during weekend services. No one goes through the motions. Praise is effusive. Prayer is heartfelt. Expectations of attendees are higher than expectations of pastors. Congregants are told to lead people to Jesus before inviting those who don’t worship Him to a holy place of worship.
Evangelism – A church practicing what it was supposed to preach (i.e. dying to self) replaces the invitation to “Come” with Jesus’ exhortation to “Go”. The people of God are not called simply to bask in a perceived preferential status with the Lord, but to live on mission in their families, workplaces, neighborhoods, and world.
Leadership – Church consultants, conferences, and seminaries emphasize growth through attraction and retention techniques. Size is not an accurate indication of church health. The extent to which a church dies to self and pushes members to follow its lead are more reliable measures of alignment with Scripture and God’s will.
It’s Your Turn…
Is “dying to self” a secret at your church or a frequent topic of discussion? Since it’s so prevalent in the Bible and underemphasized in churches, can you point to any aspects of your church’s Mission, Model, and Methods that conflict with the concept?
The post Why Churches Keep “Dying to Self” a Secret appeared first on Meet The Need Blog.
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Laser insights, as usual, Jim.
As I think of “dying to self” I wonder if we need to connect that message to Philippians 1:21: “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” and Galatians 2:20: “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Recentering Christ in our lives will be more possible as our leaders recenter Christ in our churches and ministries.
Posting on Reimagine.Network
Your comments are spot on, Phil. It's remarkable how frequently Scriptures talk about "dying to self" - and odd that so many churches and Christians have missed that message. My last two blog posts attempt to explain the reasons for that omission from our vernacular. https://blog.meettheneed.org/2025/11/christianitys-best-kept-secret/
Replace Self with Christ in Praise and Worship
When David declared, “God inhabits the praise of His people” in Psalm 22:3 (KJV), he expressed his absolute trust in God. No matter what was happening at that moment or how alone he felt, David knew that God was present and in control. God was on His throne, ruling over David’s hour of need (see 1 Peter 2:23). God the Father had not abandoned His child. God was working out His sovereign plan, and David would soon be delivered (see Psalm 22:4–5).
The idea behind God inhabiting the praise of His people could be that God’s “throne” on earth was the tabernacle, the place where praise was continually offered to Him. In Psalm 22, David, in his suffering, remembers the place and people of praise. He is not among those congregants, but he expresses with confidence that their praises are appropriate. Even in the extremity of his distress, David trusts that God is holy and worthy of praise. What was true for David would also be true for the Son of David, the Messiah, and that’s what makes Psalm 22 a prophetic psalm.