As a follower of my blog, I’m guessing you’ve gotten pretty good at asking great questions. But how are you doing at listening?
Everyone wants to be seen and heard! When you listen to someone -- really listen to them -- they feel valued. And, although it's counterintuitive, the more you listen, the more they will trust you.
Today, I want to share 14 ideas I’ve found particularly helpful in upping my own listening game. I invite you to give one or two a try during your next conversation—and see what a difference they may make:
Pause at the end of a question so that the answerer can think, formulate, and deliver an answer.
Once you have asked your questions, listen.
Use steady eye contact and supportive nods; be alert for “iceberg tips” – body language, facial expressions, gestures, and vague comments that hint at a willingness to contribute more information or opinions if encouraged. Staying silent is more than just not talking. It means keeping eye contact, staying still, and feeling comfortable while you wait.
Be sure to demonstrate that you really want to grasp what is being said. Ask questions that show you are willing to consider and accept new conclusions. Often, you need to ask clarifying questions to ensure you fully understand the situation.
Listen patiently, without interrupting. Interrupting may show you are not interested in the response or the respondent.
Use reflective listening: hear the words and read the emotional content.
Restate what you heard in your own words, and ask whether your understanding of the argument matches what was said.
Voice your critical questions as if you are curious. Nothing is more deadly to effective critical thinking than an attitude of “Aha, I caught you making an error.”
Request additional reasons that might enable the person to make a stronger argument than the one originally provided.
Ask the other person for permission to explore any weaknesses in the reasoning. The idea with this strategy is to encourage the other person to examine the argument with you.
Convey the impression that you and the other person are collaborators, working toward the same objective–improved knowledge and results.
Show respect for their views by asking open-ended, unbiased questions.
Focus your listening by asking questions such as “What is useful about this?” and “What can I learn?” rather than “Whose fault is this?”
Help people learn through the process of answering.
What tricks do you use, or what helpful tips can you share? I’d love to hear them.
I’ll admit, I still sometimes struggle to give the other person time and space to answer without jumping in. Listening well takes practice—and I’m still practicing, too.
After all, asking a great question is only the beginning. The real gift is listening to the answer.
Comments
Phil,
As a follower of my blog, I’m guessing you’ve gotten pretty good at asking great questions. But how are you doing at listening?
Everyone wants to be seen and heard! When you listen to someone -- really listen to them -- they feel valued. And, although it's counterintuitive, the more you listen, the more they will trust you.
Today, I want to share 14 ideas I’ve found particularly helpful in upping my own listening game. I invite you to give one or two a try during your next conversation—and see what a difference they may make:
Pause at the end of a question so that the answerer can think, formulate, and deliver an answer.
Once you have asked your questions, listen.
Use steady eye contact and supportive nods; be alert for “iceberg tips” – body language, facial expressions, gestures, and vague comments that hint at a willingness to contribute more information or opinions if encouraged. Staying silent is more than just not talking. It means keeping eye contact, staying still, and feeling comfortable while you wait.
Be sure to demonstrate that you really want to grasp what is being said. Ask questions that show you are willing to consider and accept new conclusions. Often, you need to ask clarifying questions to ensure you fully understand the situation.
Listen patiently, without interrupting. Interrupting may show you are not interested in the response or the respondent.
Use reflective listening: hear the words and read the emotional content.
Restate what you heard in your own words, and ask whether your understanding of the argument matches what was said.
Voice your critical questions as if you are curious. Nothing is more deadly to effective critical thinking than an attitude of “Aha, I caught you making an error.”
Request additional reasons that might enable the person to make a stronger argument than the one originally provided.
Ask the other person for permission to explore any weaknesses in the reasoning. The idea with this strategy is to encourage the other person to examine the argument with you.
Convey the impression that you and the other person are collaborators, working toward the same objective–improved knowledge and results.
Show respect for their views by asking open-ended, unbiased questions.
Focus your listening by asking questions such as “What is useful about this?” and “What can I learn?” rather than “Whose fault is this?”
Help people learn through the process of answering.
What tricks do you use, or what helpful tips can you share? I’d love to hear them.
I’ll admit, I still sometimes struggle to give the other person time and space to answer without jumping in. Listening well takes practice—and I’m still practicing, too.
After all, asking a great question is only the beginning. The real gift is listening to the answer.
Best,
Bob