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How to Have Spiritual Conversations without Being a Salesman
I remember watching a televangelist years ago in a slick suit, polished smile, rehearsed pitch. He made the gospel sound like a product, complete with limited time offers and emotional bait.
I tried that approach a few times. Memorised outlines. Used forced transitions. Held awkward conversations with strangers. Allow me to save you the pain: it doesn’t work. Not in real life. Not in our cities.
You can’t sell the gospel like a vacuum cleaner. Inauthentic, one-sided gospel presentations fall flat in urban spaces – places thick with scepticism and thin on relational depth. In cities, trust is the currency of the gospel, and it’s not earned by ambushing people with memorised scripts. It’s earned by showing up, listening well and living differently.
Most Christians cringe at the word evangelism. We fear sounding like zealots rather than carriers of good news. Many of us were told to “share our faith,” but the methods felt transactional and completely out of step with our culture.
But what if evangelism doesn’t have to be that way?
What if we stop trying to convince people and start participating in what God is already doing?
What if we move from peddling belief to revealing a life-giving Kingdom?
Jesus Didn’t Sell Himself. He Lived Something Better.
It’s staggering when you look at the words of Jesus. Less than 10% of his teachings were about convincing people that he was the Messiah. Every time He does speak about this, He is responding to a question or direct challenge. He rarely led with “who he was.” Rather, he led with stories that reveal how the Kingdom breaks into this world.
He told exposed injustice.
He healed people that religion had sidelined.
He invited the unqualified into family.
He walked slowly enough for people to wrestle, question, and discover.
Most Spiritual Conversations Aren’t “Spiritual”
We’ve been told evangelism only happens when we drop Jesus’ name or explain atonement. But real people don’t think that way. Real spiritual hunger often sounds like:
“I’m just tired all the time.”
“I’m so stressed.”
“I fear for the future of my children.”
“My mother died last week, and I am struggling to cope.”
These are often doorways to deeper spiritual conversation. But we miss them when we are trying to steer the conversation toward a predetermined gospel outline.
We need to throw away the scripts. Instead, we should learn how to be fully present. To be curious, grounded, and courageous enough to have messy, honest conversations.
Most people don’t care if your theology is airtight. They want to know if your faith makes you more whole. More kind. More grounded. More alive.
If the gospel is not embodied, it’s just noise. But when the gospel is lived, it becomes disruptive in the best way. The Word becomes flesh and once again dwells amongst us. You don’t need a PhD in Apologetics to be a great evangelist. You need a human heart and a listening ear. A good rhythm that we train is called S.P.A.R.K:
S – See People
See them as humans not projects or targets for conversion. Slow down enough to notice their passion and pain. Pay attention to who’s hurting, who’s searching, who’s open.
P – Pray Daily
You don’t need to hype yourself up or create long lists of prayer projects. Simply ask, “God, show me who you’re already working in today. Help me notice.” Build a “people map” of where you see God at work.
A – Ask Good Questions
Ask real (not weird) questions, such as…
“Where do you usually go for peace when life gets chaotic?”
“What’s been giving you life lately?”
“Has anything ever happened to you that felt spiritual?”
Contextualise the words you use into the natural language of the people you are speaking to. Don’t ever change the way you speak or the tone you use to try sound more “spiritual.”
R – Reveal Real Faith
Talk honestly about what following Jesus looks like in your actual life. Share your own journey, pain, doubts, joy, hope and fears. Tell stories of how God met you in your lowest and most vulnerable moments.
K – Keep the Door Open
Not every conversation has to land. You’re not closing a deal. You’re cultivating curiosity. Building a relationship. Embarking on a journey.
“This has been such a good chat. Would you be open to continuing sometime?”
Progress at their pace, not yours. When an open door presents itself, step in. But don’t kick down doors.
If someone is spiritually open, don’t pull out a tract. Invite them into a discovery process where they can engage Scripture for themselves. Use simple Scripture rhythms. Let the Word do the work. Let curiosity grow. Let God speak.
Maybe, like me, you’ve been disillusioned by the evangelism methods we inherited. But be encouraged: there is another way. The way of Jesus.
Not built on urgency but on relationship.
Not based on pressure, but on presence.
Not packaged as propositional truth, but discovered in real life.
We don’t need to convert people. That’s the Holy Spirit’s job. Our job is to live so fully in the Kingdom that it spills into our everyday life and conversations.
So, live honestly.
Listen deeply.
Ask questions that matter.
And when the moment’s right, invite people to explore the life they were created to live.
No pressure. No pitch. Just presence.
Because when the Kingdom comes, it speaks louder than any argument.
BONUS Content >>>SCROLL for RELATED COMMENTARY by GUEST-POSTERS + FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS
A Pathway To Transforming Community: Part 1
It began in a crowded coffee shop—voices buzzing, espresso machines hissing, life happening all around us. But in the middle of the noise, one quiet sentence changed everything.
“I don’t need another Bible study. I need someone to walk with me.”
That’s the cry rising from this generation.
Not for more content.
Not for more noise.
But for a way of life—
where community heals, the Spirit leads, and ordinary people grow into the likeness of Christ.
People want to see God’s Big Story.
To know Him deeply.
To become the kind of disciples who carry His presence into their world and change it.
As we listened to the burden behind the words, the restlessness under the surface, the awakening God is stirring through Sync with God, a single question rose like a flame:
“So how do we build a movement of disciples who make disciples?”
Here is the answer—a simple, relational, Spirit-led pathway for anyone hungry for depth, for presence, for life that looks like Jesus.
This is not a program.
It is a way of living.
A way of walking together so no one follows Jesus alone.
A way of becoming a people shaped by the Spirit, freed by honesty, and formed by love into the image of Christ.
And as God expands this movement, this framework will keep us aligned, healthy, reproducible, and completely surrendered to the Spirit who leads the way.
The Moment We Are Living In
Everywhere we look, people are spiritually open—but unsure where to turn.
Churches are busy but not always forming disciples.
Young adults are searching for mentors.
Digital spaces are overflowing with spiritual curiosity. And too many believers feel alone, discouraged, or stuck.
This is our moment. Not to build bigger programs, but to return to what Jesus actually gave us: a simple, relational path of walking with Him and walking with people.
Testimonial: A Journey of Rediscovery
“I’ve been through some recent changes in my life that made me question myself and my faith.
Through creating scripts for Sync with God’s introductory courses, I found myself stepping into the journeys of leaders, believers, and seekers—people I had never fully considered before.
That experience didn’t just shape the content—it transformed me. It reignited my spiritual journey and helped me connect with my faith in ways I hadn’t before.
I’m grateful to be part of Sync with God and excited for what’s ahead.”
Nyaysia,
Sync with God Volunteer & Recent Graduate
Ways To Get Involved
Become a prayer partner (2 Corinthians 10:3-6, The Message) (pray for discipleship movement)
Consider leading/mentoring a small group (Acts 2:42-47, NIV)
Sponsor a Discipling group (pay $600 yearly costs for each small group of 10)
Give generously to support financially those serving—Benefits: 2 Corinthians 9:12-15, The Message)
Guest-Post - Caesar Kalinowski
Discipleship was already happening in my week.
Not in the programs I was running. In the meal with the neighbor. The Saturday morning that was already mine. The conversation that went somewhere I didn't plan.
The moments were already there. What I was missing wasn't more time or a better system. I was missing a way of seeing what was already in front of me.
That shift sounds small. Let me tell you — It changes everything.
Once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it.
The week I was already living — the rhythms already in it, the people already around me — wasn't an obstacle to discipleship. It was the location of it.
There's a person in your life right now, I'd almost guarantee it, who is leaning toward you. Curious about how you live. Returning what you extend. Staying a little longer than they planned.
You might already know who they are. You just haven't let yourself move toward them with intention yet.
You don't need to recruit them into anything. No curriculum. No building. No program. No special "commitment".
You need to see that they're there. And then make one real move inside the life you're already living.
That's it.
I know. It sounds simpler than what you've tried before. It is. That's exactly the point.
This works in whatever life you're currently living — a neighborhood, a job, a dinner table, a family. No new calendar required.
One person. One rhythm already in your week. One intentional move.
I built something to help you take that first step. I'm still putting the finishing touches on it, but you can take a look at it here.
—Caesar @everydaydisciple.com
GUEST-POST
Keith R. Ferguson
Last week, I attended a discipleship conference in Houston and heard about a new evangelism tool called “Good. God. Gospel.” The idea is simple: as followers of Jesus, we should prepare each day spiritually to have good conversations with people that turn into God conversations and, ultimately, gospel conversations.
When I heard that framework, I immediately thought, this is how Barie and I have approached evangelism for the last twenty-five years. We have never believed in separating evangelism from relationships. When we do that, we can reduce evangelism to presenting facts to strangers rather than loving people we know toward Jesus.
Now, I am not saying there are not moments when we need to share the gospel spontaneously with someone we have just met. There certainly are. But I do think we need to reconnect evangelism with building genuine relationships with people in our spheres of influence.
As I considered that approach, I was confronted by another reality: our face-to-face conversational skills have declined in our screen-to-screen world. I have seen this struggle in the next generation, who are smartphone natives, but I have also noticed it among my peers. We are all being shaped by the devices in our hands.
One of the most striking experiences Barie and I had was visiting New York City in 2005 and then returning ten years later in 2015. The major difference was the subway. It had gone from loud and vibrant to quiet and still. Why? Everyone was looking down at their phones with earbuds in. Few people looked up. Few people engaged. No one started conversations.
Last weekend, during the Masters golf tournament, broadcasters repeatedly mentioned how different people behaved without phones, which are not allowed on the grounds. The evidence is all around us. We are constantly distracted by the screen in our pocket and by people messaging us from a distance, while failing to be fully present with the people right in front of us.
We need to redevelop—or perhaps learn for the first time—the skill of having meaningful, face-to-face conversations. This skill is increasingly rare and exceedingly valuable. It impacts marriages, parenting, friendships, church life, work, sports, and our witness for Christ.
As I thought about how we can improve, my mind went to two examples: Jesus and Barie. The Lord Jesus models extraordinary relational wisdom throughout the Gospels. And Barie is the most relational person I know. I have learned a great deal about connecting with others simply by watching her.
To write this article, I reflected on relational patterns in the life of Jesus and asked Barie what conversational skills matter most to her. Here is what I learned.
The Relational Example of Jesus
1. Ask Thoughtful Questions
Jesus regularly used questions, not because He lacked information, but because questions open hearts, expose motives, and invite reflection.
He asked questions like, “What do you want Me to do for you?” (Mark 10:51), “Who do you say that I am?” (Matthew 16:15), and “Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6). Good questions move people beyond surface talk and into meaningful conversation.
Application today: Instead of dominating conversations with statements, learn to ask questions that require more than one-word answers. Ask about hopes, fears, experiences, and convictions.
2. Give Full Attention
When Jesus spoke with people, He was fully present. In a hurried world, His attentiveness stands out. Whether speaking with blind beggars, children, religious leaders, grieving sisters, or social outcasts, He gave people the dignity of real attention.
Think of His interaction with the woman at the well in John 4. He did not rush her. He listened, engaged, responded, and stayed in the conversation long enough to address deeper needs.
Application today: Put the phone away. Make eye contact. Listen without mentally preparing your next response. Presence is one of the rarest gifts you can give someone.
3. Draw Out the Heart
Jesus had a way of moving conversations beneath the surface. He did not stay at the level of weather, schedules, and small talk when deeper issues were present.
With the rich young ruler, He exposed misplaced trust. With Nicodemus, He addressed spiritual rebirth. With Peter the Apostle, after failure, He lovingly uncovered both shame and love.
Application today: Learn to gently ask second-layer questions: “How are you really doing?” “What has been weighing on you?” “What do you think is driving that?” Wise conversation helps people name what is happening inside them.
4. Speak Truth with Grace
Jesus was neither harsh nor vague. He combined honesty with compassion. He could confront sin without crushing people and offer mercy without excusing sin.
With the woman caught in adultery (John 8), He protected her from condemnation while also calling her to leave her sin. With His disciples, He corrected them repeatedly, yet remained patient and loving.
Application today: Healthy conversations require courage and kindness together. Many people choose one and neglect the other. Speak clearly, but do it with warmth, humility, and genuine concern.
5. Notice the Overlooked
Jesus consistently noticed people others ignored—the lonely, poor, sick, ashamed, outsiders, and socially invisible. He saw people in rooms that others looked past.
He noticed Zacchaeus in a tree, the bleeding woman in a crowd, and anxious individuals hidden behind public appearances.
Application today: Great conversationalists are often great noticers. Look for the person standing alone, the quiet person in the meeting, the discouraged friend, the spouse carrying stress, the child trying to be seen. Initiating a conversation can be an act of love.
What I Learned from Barie
1. Be Curious About People
Barie believes curiosity is the most important relational skill. A genuine desire to know other people. Their story. Their journey. Their joys and burdens.
Many people enter conversations wanting to be interesting. Better to become interested. Curious people are magnetic because they make others feel seen.
2. Listen Well
Barie asks thoughtful questions and listens intently to the answers. She jokes that she has ADHD and cannot focus on one task, yet when people are talking, she is remarkably present.
I struggle more here. I often listen well for the first minute, but then my mind starts wandering. Listening is one of the purest forms of love. In a distracted age, it is also one of the rarest.
3. Ask God to Help You See People
Barie believes there is a spiritual component to relationships. We should invite God into our interactions with others. She regularly prays for the people she will meet that day and asks God to give her His eyes and His heart.
That is wise counsel. Many conversations improve when we silently pray, Lord, help me see this person the way You see them.
4. Watch Your Face
This one surprised me when Barie said it, but the more I considered it, the more true it seemed. Your face often speaks louder than your words.
Eye contact matters. A warm smile draws people in. An engaged expression speaks volumes. Your body language can communicate welcome, impatience, boredom, concern, or kindness before you say a word.
Some people need to work on their words. Others need to work on their face.
5. Follow Up and Remember
Barie believes it is important to remember what people share so that the next time you see them, you can follow up.
“How did the surgery go?”
“How is your mom doing?”
“Did your son enjoy his first semester?”
“What happened with that job interview?”
Those simple questions communicate something powerful: You mattered enough for me to remember. Follow-up turns a casual conversation into a real relationship.
Parents: Teach These Skills Early
Parents should intentionally help their children develop these habits. Teach them to make eye contact, greet adults, ask questions, listen without interrupting, notice others, and put the phone away.
We spend enormous energy helping kids succeed academically and athletically. We should also help them become relationally mature.
The world may be high-tech, but it will still be led by people who know how to work, care for, and communicate with others.
A Final Thought
Technology is not the enemy. It can serve many good purposes. But it becomes harmful when it trains us to be absent in the presence of others.
Some of the most meaningful moments in life still happen the old-fashioned way: two people looking each other in the eye, listening carefully, speaking honestly, and caring deeply.
Jesus changed many lives one conversation at a time. We can too
Keith Ferguson
Last week, I attended a discipleship conference in Houston and heard about a new evangelism tool called “Good. God. Gospel.” The idea is simple: as followers of Jesus, we should prepare each day spiritually to have good conversations with people that turn into God conversations and, ultimately, gospel conversations.
When I heard that framework, I immediately thought, this is how Barie and I have approached evangelism for the last twenty-five years. We have never believed in separating evangelism from relationships. When we do that, we can reduce evangelism to presenting facts to strangers rather than loving people we know toward Jesus.
Now, I am not saying there are not moments when we need to share the gospel spontaneously with someone we have just met. There certainly are. But I do think we need to reconnect evangelism with building genuine relationships with people in our spheres of influence.
As I considered that approach, I was confronted by another reality: our face-to-face conversational skills have declined in our screen-to-screen world. I have seen this struggle in the next generation, who are smartphone natives, but I have also noticed it among my peers. We are all being shaped by the devices in our hands.
One of the most striking experiences Barie and I had was visiting New York City in 2005 and then returning ten years later in 2015. The major difference was the subway. It had gone from loud and vibrant to quiet and still. Why? Everyone was looking down at their phones with earbuds in. Few people looked up. Few people engaged. No one started conversations.
Last weekend, during the Masters golf tournament, broadcasters repeatedly mentioned how different people behaved without phones, which are not allowed on the grounds. The evidence is all around us. We are constantly distracted by the screen in our pocket and by people messaging us from a distance, while failing to be fully present with the people right in front of us.
We need to redevelop—or perhaps learn for the first time—the skill of having meaningful, face-to-face conversations. This skill is increasingly rare and exceedingly valuable. It impacts marriages, parenting, friendships, church life, work, sports, and our witness for Christ.
As I thought about how we can improve, my mind went to two examples: Jesus and Barie. The Lord Jesus models extraordinary relational wisdom throughout the Gospels. And Barie is the most relational person I know. I have learned a great deal about connecting with others simply by watching her.
To write this article, I reflected on relational patterns in the life of Jesus and asked Barie what conversational skills matter most to her. Here is what I learned.
The Relational Example of Jesus
1. Ask Thoughtful Questions
Jesus regularly used questions, not because He lacked information, but because questions open hearts, expose motives, and invite reflection.
He asked questions like, “What do you want Me to do for you?” (Mark 10:51), “Who do you say that I am?” (Matthew 16:15), and “Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6). Good questions move people beyond surface talk and into meaningful conversation.
Application today: Instead of dominating conversations with statements, learn to ask questions that require more than one-word answers. Ask about hopes, fears, experiences, and convictions.
2. Give Full Attention
When Jesus spoke with people, He was fully present. In a hurried world, His attentiveness stands out. Whether speaking with blind beggars, children, religious leaders, grieving sisters, or social outcasts, He gave people the dignity of real attention.
Think of His interaction with the woman at the well in John 4. He did not rush her. He listened, engaged, responded, and stayed in the conversation long enough to address deeper needs.
Application today: Put the phone away. Make eye contact. Listen without mentally preparing your next response. Presence is one of the rarest gifts you can give someone.
3. Draw Out the Heart
Jesus had a way of moving conversations beneath the surface. He did not stay at the level of weather, schedules, and small talk when deeper issues were present.
With the rich young ruler, He exposed misplaced trust. With Nicodemus, He addressed spiritual rebirth. With Peter the Apostle, after failure, He lovingly uncovered both shame and love.
Application today: Learn to gently ask second-layer questions: “How are you really doing?” “What has been weighing on you?” “What do you think is driving that?” Wise conversation helps people name what is happening inside them.
4. Speak Truth with Grace
Jesus was neither harsh nor vague. He combined honesty with compassion. He could confront sin without crushing people and offer mercy without excusing sin.
With the woman caught in adultery (John 8), He protected her from condemnation while also calling her to leave her sin. With His disciples, He corrected them repeatedly, yet remained patient and loving.
Application today: Healthy conversations require courage and kindness together. Many people choose one and neglect the other. Speak clearly, but do it with warmth, humility, and genuine concern.
5. Notice the Overlooked
Jesus consistently noticed people others ignored—the lonely, poor, sick, ashamed, outsiders, and socially invisible. He saw people in rooms that others looked past.
He noticed Zacchaeus in a tree, the bleeding woman in a crowd, and anxious individuals hidden behind public appearances.
Application today: Great conversationalists are often great noticers. Look for the person standing alone, the quiet person in the meeting, the discouraged friend, the spouse carrying stress, the child trying to be seen. Initiating a conversation can be an act of love.
What I Learned from Barie
1. Be Curious About People
Barie believes curiosity is the most important relational skill. A genuine desire to know other people. Their story. Their journey. Their joys and burdens.
Many people enter conversations wanting to be interesting. Better to become interested. Curious people are magnetic because they make others feel seen.
2. Listen Well
Barie asks thoughtful questions and listens intently to the answers. She jokes that she has ADHD and cannot focus on one task, yet when people are talking, she is remarkably present.
I struggle more here. I often listen well for the first minute, but then my mind starts wandering. Listening is one of the purest forms of love. In a distracted age, it is also one of the rarest.
3. Ask God to Help You See People
Barie believes there is a spiritual component to relationships. We should invite God into our interactions with others. She regularly prays for the people she will meet that day and asks God to give her His eyes and His heart.
That is wise counsel. Many conversations improve when we silently pray, Lord, help me see this person the way You see them.
4. Watch Your Face
This one surprised me when Barie said it, but the more I considered it, the more true it seemed. Your face often speaks louder than your words.
Eye contact matters. A warm smile draws people in. An engaged expression speaks volumes. Your body language can communicate welcome, impatience, boredom, concern, or kindness before you say a word.
Some people need to work on their words. Others need to work on their face.
5. Follow Up and Remember
Barie believes it is important to remember what people share so that the next time you see them, you can follow up.
“How did the surgery go?”
“How is your mom doing?”
“Did your son enjoy his first semester?”
“What happened with that job interview?”
Those simple questions communicate something powerful: You mattered enough for me to remember. Follow-up turns a casual conversation into a real relationship.
Parents: Teach These Skills Early
Parents should intentionally help their children develop these habits. Teach them to make eye contact, greet adults, ask questions, listen without interrupting, notice others, and put the phone away.
We spend enormous energy helping kids succeed academically and athletically. We should also help them become relationally mature.
The world may be high-tech, but it will still be led by people who know how to work, care for, and communicate with others.
A Final Thought
Technology is not the enemy. It can serve many good purposes. But it becomes harmful when it trains us to be absent in the presence of others.
Some of the most meaningful moments in life still happen the old-fashioned way: two people looking each other in the eye, listening carefully, speaking honestly, and caring deeply.
Jesus changed many lives one conversation at a time. We can too.
https://keithferguson.substack.com/p/face-to-face-conversations-in-...}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton">Share
We are looking at a good rhythm called S.P.A.R.K.
to help us with our witnessing relationships
and Gospel conversations.
S – See People
“See them as humans not projects or targets for conversion. Slow down enough to notice their passion and pain. Pay attention to who’s hurting, who’s searching, who’s open.“
We at CityLife try our best to live this out. Both apartment employees and residents have a lot going on in their lives and families. They need attention and it starts with slowing down to have real conversations and caring about them. It may start as simple as getting to know their name and asking about their story
P – Pray Daily
“You don’t need to hype yourself up or create long lists of prayer projects. Simply ask, “God, show me who you’re already working in today. Help me notice.” Build a “people map” of where you see God at work.”
You’ve heard me share a thousand times that prayer is the very foundation of CityLife. CityLife is the answer to my own prayer when I asked the Father, “Show me what You want me to see.”
The biggest regret I have about CityLife is that I didn’t record every miracle that has happened. There are literally hundreds of answers to prayer in and through the servant ministry of CityLife and our intercessors.
A – Ask Good Questions
David Broodryk suggests...”Ask real (not weird) questions, such as...
'Where do you usually go for peace when life gets chaotic?’ (Gary: this is good because no one really talks about “peace” that much anymore.)
“Has anything ever happened to you that felt spiritual?” (Gary: I like this question because it can mean just about anything but could create a great "spiritual" conversation.
Contextualize the words you use into the natural language of the people you are speaking to. Don’t ever change the way you speak or the tone you use to try to sound more “spiritual.”
R – Reveal Real Faith
Talk honestly about what following Jesus looks like in your actual life. Share your own journey, pain, doubts, joy, hope and fears. Tell stories of how God met you in your lowest and most vulnerable moments.
My faith journey turned from “good to great” in a heartbeat by doing two things. Pray and obey!
In other words, my spiritual conversations changed when I focused on abiding in Him and trusting Him for everything...every moment. Spiritual conversations have become natural and life changing.
Prayer is the work!!! Obedience is partnership with the Father!
“Not every conversation has to land. You’re not closing a deal. You’re cultivating curiosity. Building a relationship. Embarking on a journey. You might say something like...
‘This has been such a good chat. Would you be open to continuing sometime?’ ”
My challenge to you/us is to look and pray for opportunities to share Jesus with others out of love and concern. Spiritual conversations are needed to share hope, salvation, truth and God’s redeeming love. Keep the doors
open!!!
For His Glory!
Gary B. Jennings
Executive Director
CityLife
(615) 431-9645
garyb.citylife@gmail.com